Wo de Shujia -- My Bookshelf of Late

I’ve been hungering after something new to read, after finishing J.S. Mill’s “On Liberty” and “Utilitarianism.”  I think both are great reads because both essays are still relevant to any number of current debates in democratic societies, especially issues of government interference with individual decisions.  J.S. smacks down a lot of paternalistic B.S.            

Maybe it was just opposite’s day, but after that I read the “Constitution of the Communist Party of China”, and it reminded me why I could never stand being a lawyer or legislator.

In case you were wondering how the cognitive dissonance from the capitalist situation on the ground is resolved: “The realization of communism is the highest ideal and ultimate goal of the Party.  The Communist Party of China takes Marxism-Leninism, Mao Zedong Thought, Deng Xiaoping Theory and the important thought of the ‘Three Represents’ as its guide to action….The highest ideal of communism pursued by the Chinese Communists can be realized only when socialist society is fully developed and well advanced.”  Read on a little further, and you will learn that “…the primary stage of socialism….It will last for over a hundred years.”  Hmmm…so in sum, First Comrade John Luc “Che” Picard and Comrade-Bot Data will live to see the final realization as they jet across xingxing systems at the behest of United Federation of People’s Planets Chairman Zhang.  Beau. Ti.  Ful.  Zui piao liang.

Since I haven’t had time to go to another bookstore carrying imports, this week I bought a language reader whose name translates to “Chinese Business Culture.”  Just to prepare my readership in case they attempt any trip to a dining establishment where they might encounter kuaizi-sticks, I thought I’d excerpt a valuable portion:

“When you are invited to a feast of Chinese people, please try to use chopsticks, for it would be regarded as an identification of [sic] the Chinese culture, through which you may imperceptibly [sic] establish a close relationship with your customers….First, choose the hand you often use so that you can apply it flexibly….Put your hand flat, separating the fingers and centering with the middle finger to put the chopsticks between them instead of gripping them with five fingers together….Please don’t be nervous, and get the delicious food you want by using your thumb.  Are you successful?”

“It is very important for you to remember them [the following points], so you will not make a fool of yourself when having a meal.”   My summary:

1. Don’t be moving your chopsticks all chop-chop like when decidin’ what to be eatin’ next.  It be disrespectin’ your host.


2. Don’t be putting your chopsticks all incense-vertical-stick-sacrifice-like, it be pissin’ off the spirit-old-folk.


3. Don’t be all moving plates with yo’ fool chopstick.


4. Don’t be pokin’ the top of no dishes, less you be dishin’ up some lack of ‘spect.


5. Put yo’ fool chopsticks down on the chopstick-ma-callit, or on the table flat.

“Please remember them to pleasantly surprise the Chinese people, so that they would look at you with new eyes.”  As if they didn’t when I put the chopsticks accountant-like on top of both my ears?  
Seriously, I’m going to produce a hidden camera show around a hapless Westerner who just can’t figure out the complexities of chopstick etiquette.  The first episode, the waifoo’l will reenact the classic battle between Darth Vader and Luke Skywaker until the moogoogaipan is at hand.  “Luke, wo shi ni de baba.”